The classic tale of the epic war waged between the Greeks and Trojans is condensed into a two-and-a-half-hour movie. Helen, the belle of Troy, is convinced by pretty boy Paris to ditch her old home with Menelaus in Greece for the chance of true love and a life with the Trojans. Menelaus is not so easily dumped though and sends an army of thousands to go get her back, his star soldier being Achilles, a man with Godly good looks and a special move that allows him to pretty much kill anyone without messing up his hair. Hector, Paris's older brother, provides an emotional anchor to the film which is desperately needed, as he honourably decides to fight for his flighty sibling, and Eric Bana's performance remains the only thing worth watching in this stodgy, ridiculously abridged story. Wolfgang Petersen's attempt to reinvent the sword and sandal epic suffers a little too much from post-Gladiator syndrome, relying heavily on second rate CGI effects instead of the tactics used in the superior Braveheart. Big noise, little heart.